Weehee

So POA is ending, and I'm in the greatest rush to finish my dang work. But already our SS teacher is making his way in, so (still in my rushed mindset) I stuff the PA papers under the table and get on with the newly-assigned SS work.

I'm still feeling all rushed, so while doing SS I feel all "MUST. FINISH THIS. NOW."



but.



Inbetween my writings, X keeps popping his voice in my ears to tell me about some extremely fascinating joke or comment. I have to give some response, and keep cool about it. But he keeps going on.

And now, while I'm at 60% irritability, D and C start talking and joking between themselves. This is normal, and I realised later on that completing the work was not as important as I was thinking it was.
I decide that the environment is not suitable for my flustered self, and I request a toilet break. Instead I go do my work at the benches for a few minutes.
I come back to stay, and get my SS book from the cupboard.
As I place my book on my desk and take my hands off of it for JUST A SECOND to adjust my chair, Assholiholio The Smug (OF COURSE) proceeds to bloody take it. By his own damn permission.
80% irritable, and rising.
Then D asks me harmless qns, and the occassional telling-me-something-I-must-know, to which I reply by sending him an acronym to be deciphered by him. I figure this will give me time to do my work.
(The acronym, which represented the words in my head at the time, was AMIIC. It means Ask Me If I Care, and I will admit that my anger was misplaced on D. It should have been somewhere else. Sorry D.)
Eventually C finds I'm flustered, but I refuse to show what it is that made me so. Again I deny him the right to confirm his assumptions of myself.
I hate these people, ARHVDBFJHSDV



ANYWAYS.
What you see above is something that occurred last week in class. It shows me at one of my lousier times.
To the updates:

I'm finding myself unable to answer why I want to live, and the only thing that keeps me going, perhaps, is experience. But even that I am doubting.

I also find that I constantly am fantasizing for everything I know of to be smashed and destroyed by a meteorite. School, home, people-I-Know, the system. The world I live in needs a reform.

-Zan