grumble

Kay, I take responsibility for not passing in the O level fee money yesterday. Yesterday, which apparently was the DEADLINE.

So big rush today la.

But I still will complain about the inadequacy of my form teacher.
My Form Teacher (MFT) did not enforce the fact that IF WE DID NOT HAND THIS MONEY IN, WE WOULD NOT TAKE OUR O LEVELS THIS YEAR.

She even gave the students that hadn't given the money up a paper, telling them to do so that Wednesday. Clearly either she was not informed of the deadline's importance, or was and did not recognise it to be as deadly as it truly was.

And a couple of backup systems could have been organised by the school as well:

1: Paying for the students if the students are too late and writing the amount off as a loan that the student then owes the school. This would display precautionary planning.

2: Have the FT demand the hell out of the students. If the student did not pay it on the last day, the FT should be forcing him/her to get out of the school and get that money. Yes, students do need to be pushed sometimes. We may not be primary students, but we are certainly not yet adults. And even adults forget.

3: Public announcement system! Have someone announce the last day in a booming voice to the ears of the school. as if a paper stuck on the class board is enough. The BACK of the class, no less. T_T


And there you go.


-Zan

Weehee

So POA is ending, and I'm in the greatest rush to finish my dang work. But already our SS teacher is making his way in, so (still in my rushed mindset) I stuff the PA papers under the table and get on with the newly-assigned SS work.

I'm still feeling all rushed, so while doing SS I feel all "MUST. FINISH THIS. NOW."



but.



Inbetween my writings, X keeps popping his voice in my ears to tell me about some extremely fascinating joke or comment. I have to give some response, and keep cool about it. But he keeps going on.

And now, while I'm at 60% irritability, D and C start talking and joking between themselves. This is normal, and I realised later on that completing the work was not as important as I was thinking it was.
I decide that the environment is not suitable for my flustered self, and I request a toilet break. Instead I go do my work at the benches for a few minutes.
I come back to stay, and get my SS book from the cupboard.
As I place my book on my desk and take my hands off of it for JUST A SECOND to adjust my chair, Assholiholio The Smug (OF COURSE) proceeds to bloody take it. By his own damn permission.
80% irritable, and rising.
Then D asks me harmless qns, and the occassional telling-me-something-I-must-know, to which I reply by sending him an acronym to be deciphered by him. I figure this will give me time to do my work.
(The acronym, which represented the words in my head at the time, was AMIIC. It means Ask Me If I Care, and I will admit that my anger was misplaced on D. It should have been somewhere else. Sorry D.)
Eventually C finds I'm flustered, but I refuse to show what it is that made me so. Again I deny him the right to confirm his assumptions of myself.
I hate these people, ARHVDBFJHSDV



ANYWAYS.
What you see above is something that occurred last week in class. It shows me at one of my lousier times.
To the updates:

I'm finding myself unable to answer why I want to live, and the only thing that keeps me going, perhaps, is experience. But even that I am doubting.

I also find that I constantly am fantasizing for everything I know of to be smashed and destroyed by a meteorite. School, home, people-I-Know, the system. The world I live in needs a reform.

-Zan

Duos Dies

More writing practice with lefty, and I found out things about the way I hold things with my right hand that I never knew before. Like the way I hold a spoon so similarly to the way I hold a pen, and so on. These observations were a result of mimicking the actions and positions of my right hand with my left.

I've been Wikipeding too much today.

Interesting pages visited:
The Divine Comedy
What Dreams May Come, a film I finally found the title of.
Poetic Justice
Eye Colour
Skin Colour Map
A video just.. painful to watch

Also, I finally got rid of the damn malware and spyware lurking in my computer. Woo, everything's so fast now.


Went to Vic's school for their library's $1 sale. Great deeealzzzoorrrs

For some reason, I'm getting this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something isn't right. I think it involves Chinese people in Singapore, the attitudes of people, what is accepted as humour currently, the reason for why things are screwed up, but I can't quite get to it yet. My brain is passing me hints, but nothing more. Yarr.

(Heh, las if my brain and 'Me' are separate entities. Snortz. Or are they?)
Und zat vill be all.


-Zan

Read more >> Options >>

Crossing Over to The Sinister

I've decided to start using my left hand a lot more for things. Anything. As part of an aim for ambidexterity.
I decided this yesterday actually, but who givizzles a shizzle.
And I shall document my progress here.

I first started with switching the buttons of my mouse to suit my left hand (i.e: The right-click function is now on the left button, and the Click function is on the right button.)
and using the mouse with my left hand.

Of course, through the course of the day writing practice with the left hand was made.
Drawing, too.

And yesterday night I had the displeasure of trying to brush my teeth with my left hand. Arrgh. Twas a tediously patternless and slow task.

I will continue posting the progress here (that is, if I remember to do so.)
Hopefully will help me get back to updating this thing with the usual posts.


-Zan

On False Hope and Optimism

"Optimists generally believe that people and events are inherently good, so that most situations work out in the end for the best."


A dog is hungry and wants food. Now.
A man waves a dog biscuit in front of the dog.
The dog believes that he can now have food.

Instead of what was hoped, the man eats the biscuit.

The dog is still hungry.

Should it care about the man?
The man made no difference to the dog's situation, other than waste his own time creating a show for the dog.

Thus, should the dog give a hoot?



-Zan

Dodgy.

So Devar's got himself a tattle problem, and is screwed.

CF almost lost his phone, but found it and someone took his Sim card instead. And even the little string on the phone his ex gave him.

I've got.. to watch.. my back.

-Zan

Eye Daggers, Killmode: go.

Lovely questions that are near bloody impossible to answer:

-What is your problem?/What is wrong with you?

-Seriously, why are you such an asshole/ass/idiot/retard?

-Did you really have to do that?

-Are you that stupid?

-When will you grow up?

Usually these are asked with the hand raised forward, palm facing Northeast of the speaker who has his/her head tilted to one side, with a hinged-open mouth and a furrowed brow.
The word 'Seriously' or 'Seriously ah,' can be added to the start of the sentence to make the speaker sound like more of a shithead.

GOD THEY'RE" SO ANNOYING

I think I'm Sorry.

Daniel.

David.


One day, I will hit you in your faces.
Just because.


-Zan

Feelings call for better sentences. Herewego:

Looking at the statement constructed to sound profound with meaning and depth ("doesn't it sound so cool and poetic?"), Disgust once again is resurrected from my abandoned sea of great emotion.
Worst was derived from reading the third line. Making such a decision over uncertainty and incautious trustworthiness of self. 'I feel it is, thus it must be', right? Christ.
Skin deep indeed.
I bid my trust in the generation, adieu.

-Zan

See Sea Ace

Negotiating skills.
Something I will strive to further improve on.
Why?
Because CCAs are part of the job interview now. They will be there, burned into my report. And when the time comes where the interviewer asks why I, unlike so many other applicants, have pretty much 0% of qualities shown in most CCAs printed on that damn paper, I will have to come up with a better reply than "My CCA had no value, and I hate sports. It gave me no chance to show any values other than endurance for swimming fifty trillion laps each couple of days."

It sucks that, being in Sec 4, it's too late to change my CCA.

Being an average counselor. Involves no sports. Forces the leadership out of you. Responsibility plays a big part in keeping students, including yourself, in order.

Being an average librarian. Shows responsibility for keeping books safe. Assists the members of staff. Self-discipline is fostered by remaining silent in library.

An average Computer Club member. Gains knowledge of how to use the tool that is associated to the business world, and slowly becoming the most important machine in our lives today. Provides a chance to help old staff persons who did not learn how to use a computer in their youth.

An average art club member. If the member has an interest in the arts, this will nurture their talents and interests and will prove beneficial if they wish to have a job involving the specific art form they are interested in.

An average water polo member. Gets to learn how to swim well. And catch a ball. And be fit.
Leadership is only given to those above average in the sport, and thus this value is not shared by the other members on their report card. Teamwork is the only other value I see in this one.

Now, please, if I sound too pushy with my opinion, go ahead and tell me what you think.
(I'll still hate Waterpolo as a CCA. All we do is swim, as I've said many times before. Jeez. We don't even learn much else other than how to move in water faster. Or stay there longer.)

I SHOULD'VE CHOSE NPCC
OR NCC
SOMETHING
ANYTHING
NOT INVOLVING SPORTS

NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN
SYSTEM-CHANGING BUTTOCK-HOLES.
stupid sec 1 self..

Stupid new report card system


-Zan

Friendster Law #1

It is an unwritten, wholly understood and implemented law of Friendster that:
If you see that somebody has viewed your profile, it instantly opens a door for you to view theirs. Immediately.
And it doesn't matter if you've seen the profile of this guy or girl. Just view the damn thing. Because you have an excuse: They saw yours first.

ARRRGH MY THIGHS AND STOMACH HURT LIKE THE UNHOLY BOWELS OF HELL

-Zan

Did You Do Anything Constructive Today?

I was thinking about how much more time we would demand for ourselves when we were older. Like if we took all that time that we used for watching tv programmes we didn't like anyway, we'd have a few more weeks of free time. Likewise with naps, sitting around doing nothing, etc. Perhaps that's why our parents get all huffy seeing us lazing around doing useless things. Having a smaller amount of time to live, they see the importance of spending time well. Pity that thoughts such as this do not stick in my mind perpetually.

Matt Groening:

THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT IN HIGH SCHOOL
STATUS
SEX
CLOTHES
GRADES
DRINKING CAPACITY
KILLING YOURSELF
GRADUATION
YOUR FACE

THINGS NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IN HIGH SCHOOL
SCHOOL SPIRIT

From his book "Life in Hell".

And about books, I very recently read Watchmen again. And it rocked, again. The story had more meaning as I read the fictional documents within the book this time.

I'm leaving out a huge chunk of argumentative posting here just to avoid conflict with Van. The would-be section involves beauty pageants and feminist views.

This is the best fish I've ever tasted. At home, anyways.
SO FRESH.
AND TASTY.

Oh, and Devar, here's something for you. No, you won't like it.
If you're going to apologize for what happened with Chris in the canteen, mean it.
Why I point this out is because of a certain small occurence on the night of Van's competition.
When you were walking back to your seat, I told you that you "don't need to walk like that, Devar."
You did recognize it as a teasing statement, which it was, but what you did next reminded me instantly of what you did to Christopher earlier this year.
Instantly, INSTANTLY, you smacked me across my head. "Aaaass!"

And therein lies my problem.
If you didn't notice already, what you did is almost the exact same thing you did to Christopher.
I made a statement, and you acted physically.
(Only, if you look at it more thoroughly, what you did was in front of a lot more people. Also, what I said was only loud enough to reach your and WQ's ears. Also, Van's friends and family might've been around.)

Now, you might read this one day after it is posted on the blog, or you might read it a month after it is posted (on the account of myself not giving much reason for people to check it anymore). Either way, know this: I will still tell you what I think might be wrong with you at any time in the future, if you request it. I will still teach you what you think you need to know to not be what you call an 'ass', if you request it.
But, I will no longer be able to bring myself to trust that you take my advice to mind again. Evidently, you cannot recall it fast enough to handle your reflexive actions.
*slap*
"Aaaass!"
I do not expect an apology, nor do I expect anything else. This is just to inform you of the matter, and serves no further purpose than to do so.

Otherwise, it was an okay night. T'was a pity that SP didn't offer free 'refreshments' like they do during talks.

Ah, well. Time for some Tom Waits. All I've been listening to is Symphony recently.
*pops in the CD*

*I really need to write that letter. Shit.*

-Zan

Tell Me Something Constructive You Did Today

(I really should write that letter. What's it been, three months? Damn.)

I was thinking about certain things people do that their future selves might regret. Things like watching humor videos, sitting in the bath for a little longer than expected, watching television they don't even like just because of boredom. Little things.

More Weird Memory-Mappy-Linkage!

Hey, I depend on the mappy-linkage for blog content. So hushahush.


I was sitting here doing my geography work due tomorrow when this wheeled chair reminded me of when I sat in this teachers' room in Radin Mas to stay back finishing incomplete file work with a bunch of other classmates. It ws my first time being allowed to sit in a then-fancy, 'Adult' chair. With WHEELS.
This made me recall when I was sitting on the table doing my work halfway, ____ came in. I didn't know SHE had to stay back too. 'Damn'!

The Damn above is in inverted commas for reasons that will be explained shortly.

Well, that made me recall that ____ was (unknowingly at the time) my first 'friend-crush-tease'. Meaning that she was the friend I had a crush on sometimes, and kept exchanging insults with as a result. So the Damn is a 'Damn' because you had to pretend that you didn't like the person. Ah, those Playful, childish times. Those are the kind of people that people marry, aren't they? The people you like but don't feel uncomfortable around?

Eh, what doos I knowz abt <3 neW4yz

Oh, no!
It's a Monday tomorrow!
Well Godda-
Well Gosh Darn it!

:)

-Zan

Showertot?

That's weird, I got this line of thoughts as I was walking from the shower to the clothes drawer:

Evolution. You could say that, as said in evolution, organisms are evolving to adapt to their surroundings. To be more and more suitable to where they live, over a course of millions of years.
Now this got me wondering:
In fifty billion ka-trillijillion years (assuming the sun would stay intact by then), would every lifeform on Earth have identical features? Would there be one lone species on Earth?

I wonder this because, if evolution progresses, it would slowly make everything more 'perfect', more suited to that which surrounds every living thingy.
And if evolution applies to every single being on the planet, slowly becoming more and more adapted to their surroundings, to what Nature would see as perfect, wouldn't all species ultimately form into one, nature-supposedly perfect species that has adapted to every possible environment findable on Earth? To be an entire planet covered by one species alone. To be mammal-amphibian-reptile-plant-fish-human-bird-hybrids.
Cool.

Mm. And that's all.
VECTORS R FUNZ

-Zan

Well, That Sucks

Something sucky happened today.
Chun Feng came back, and Shuen Keat spoke considerably less to me today.
But my theory of gloominess has been proven wrong. I remained stuck in another depressed morning, despite the lack of incredibly over-repeated jokes and quotes. What is it that is eating into my happiness?

Could it be schoolwork?
No, I didn't mind the assignments today.

Could it be lack of sleep?
Maybe, but I still was gloomy on Monday morning after resting all Sunday.

Well, I do hope it gets better. I'd like me back.

Ah, I did think of one thing that kind of bummed me earlier today.
Well, Mrs Y lost the cap to her back marker, and somewhere during her lesson it was pointed out by D that she had accidentally made two black marks on Van's back. The back of her shirt.
Needless to say, Van went crazy. The fact that it was Mrs Y that did it made the situation worse, for Van hated Y. After asking for the price of a school shirt from us, she demanded the price from Y. Well, there isn't much in that that bummed me, it was majorly from what happened shortly after.
V and D plotted V's revenge against Y. It kind of sickened me to hear the snickering and laughing in the process of the planning. It reminded me of the evils of teenagerism. The way they sounded so determined in her revenge, how they laughed in anticipation for it to happen, and how satisfied she looked after it did happen.
Seeing Van satisfied does not sicken me, but seeing anybody satisfied from such a cause does.
She'll hate me, probably, for writing this, but I'll leave it to her to explain how what she did was indeed fair. I'm sure she has a reason. I hope it's just.
: (
It was during that period that I had my first sign of sympathy for Y. Something did it.


I'm killing myself with this post.


Just got off the phone with Freddie.
His excuse for not coming tomorrow definitely is something I accept, but I don't know about the rest.
Well, if they're going to boot him, I want him to be some form of outside help. Damnit.


Almost forgot:
I played around a bit with the school piano today. Played it by ear. It kind of sucked as the notes were all blocky and the music had not flow, but it was a shot at playing again.
Sigh is the word of March.

-Zan

I Need To Think Up Better Post Titles

I've been theorizing about why my school periods are starting with great, great frustration now, and my theory is that it is because Chun Feng is not coming to school lately. he is sick.
It is not that I miss his company or his habit of sleeping in class, no, nothing like that. But it is because that when he is absent, he leaves a blank space. A blank space in that chair of his.
And this is dangerous.
For the SK has lurked behind that row of seats, waiting for a chance to sit closer to me.
He has taken his chance, and he sits behind me. And damn is it frustrating.
Do you like being pestered, bombarded rather, with jokes and quotes from movies that were released years ago?
Do you like being told the same damn joke over and over?
Do you like this happening to you each morning, marking the start of your very school lessons?
EACH. BLOODY. MORNING?

And that is why I am bitter in mornings. Why I have been that way recently, I mean.

I hate him now.
Because he is changing my style of typing here (very subtle in the change, but I see it: I haven't typing with the rush to do so, recently.)
Because he is making me dull in my morning periods, blocking my will to learn and sucking the soul from my body with each LAME STATEMENT.
Because he approaches me even before class, even when he has nothing to say.

And this is the part where Van comes in to suggest some method of help.
... please?


Anyways, the remainder of this post will consist of little notes and reminders for me to remember what to post about the next time I post.

Brow utility (in class).
Zebra crossings.
How staying late in school happifies me so.


Feeling like shitnuggets:

-Zan

acegikmoqsuwy -ZED-

I guess this kind of explains itself. Got the link from this guy's blog.
Should I trust the results? Should you?
Should I wait until after I finish my misanthropic/melancholic/stress-filled little period of no-sleepness to take the test once more?

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||| 40% Stability |||||||||||||||||| 80% Orderliness |||||||||| 33% Accommodation |||||||||||| 43% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 70% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70% Mystical |||||||||||||||| 63% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Religious |||| 16% Hedonism |||| 16% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||| 30% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 43% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 43% Conflict seeking |||||| 30% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43% Romantic |||| 16% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 63% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||||||||||| 43% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||| 50% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||| 57% Histrionic |||| 16% Paranoia |||||||||||| 43% Vanity |||||||||||| 50% Hypersensitivity |||||||||| 36% Female cliche |||| 16%

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:
secretive, reclusive, messy, disorganized, introverted, unassertive, rarely worries, dislikes large parties, does not like to fit in, does not need to control others, solitary, ambivalent about chaos, tough, leisurely, does not respect authority, not aggressive, observer, abstract, impractical, dislikes leadership, daydreamer, bizarre, does not make friends easily, not a perfectionist, suspicious, rarely irritated, strong physical instincts, unsympathetic at times, risk taker, submissive, weird, sarcastic, strange

-70% not Zan
-20% Zan's uncommon, current bitterness.

10%:

-Zan

YOU.

For some reason I hate everyone now.
I don't like it.

I can't think of a person right now that I can't mentally snarl at. This might have something to do with me sleeping way too late staying up doing work for the past three days. Or.. nights. Or mornings.

I guess not sleeping does induce crankiness.
Oh, and I have finally started to hate "Mrs Ow".

..
Like, REALLY hate.
More than before, that is.

This post sucks. I have work to do here. Ararswsrfewf

-Zan

About Time.

I was thinking about things that I would do/start doing when I become old enough to live alone. Here is the list:

1: Become a lousy vegetarian who sneaks fish into meals.

2: Have my normal haircut be a bald head for at least a year.

3: Have foot-length hair as a norm for at least 6 months.

4: Have a room purely for artistic expression.

5: have a room filled with bubble-pool balls.

And that's all I can think of so far.
NEXT:

More habits shown by other people in public that I hate:
People who stop in front of the escalator to look around with a mock "wtf?" expression, telling the world that they accidentally took the wrong escalator.
..
GET OUT OF THE WAY.
It sucks to be the person behind escalator-cloggers, because people will blame you for being the one causing all the stumbling.
Rr.

I remember seeing a class of students in City Hall, being briefed on how they would be collecting donations. No, not the put-the-coin-in-the-can kind of collecting, but the kind where they show you their papers and ask for the donation. It usually is a Jaws-type of situation.

You are walking towards the inside of the MRT station.
You look around for a garbage bin to throw your can of (some carbonated drink) .
As your eyes sweep around the area, they unknowingly chance upon the looming eyes of another.
In a fraction of a millisecond, those eyes somehow notice that you have looked at them. They look back, and the bearer of those eyes perks up.
Immediately he dashes towards you, holding out his card and papers, speaking with such bullet-like speed.
The following occurs:

*shows you identification card*
"HelloI'mBillyKohFromBlaBlaBlaOrganisation.."
"Uh, I-"
"AsYouCanSeeFromMyCardIAmNotAFakeTryingToCheatYouOfYourMoney"
"but I di-"
"WeArePartOfANon-ProfitBlaThatHelpsBlahsToBla. IfYouWouldJustBeSoKindTo-"
"Shit. Well all I have now is two dollars. Is that okay?"

he gives you some stupid crinkly look with the eyes.
THE EYES.
As if to say "SHOW ME YOUR WALLET, I KNOW YOU HAVE MORE!"
THE EYES KNOW YOU LIE.

And it's all so unnerving and embarrassing and Blegh.
Still, luckily for me the kids were being briefed, and their doom was not unleashed to the public before I hop-jogged my way past them.
Zan 1, Those Students 0.

I really gotta get blogging again. This all looks... sloppy.
I NEED TO GET MY FLOW BACK.
Hm.
Ah, right, the old people.

I hate walking past old people. Even worse, old-people posses.
It's just the fact that I feel so much like an ASSHOLE when they walk slowly.... slowly... sooo slowly in front of me, and when I walk normally past them i look like I'm deliberately trying to show off my superior walking skills. And I'm not! I even slow down a bit, I try my best, but nothing refrains from making you look like a dick when you walk past old people.
Tip: Pretend you're really late for something and just rush past. It should save you the guilt.

Ssssiggggh.
Sigh 1: This evening is the last evening of the holidays.
Sigh 2: Unexpected feelings and wtf-ness arise.
ANYWAYS.
I do have one more thing to blog about (how to cheat the zebra-crossings.), but that'll be for next time. Now, I REALLY NEED TO DO MY WORK.

PS: You'll never guess what Sigh 2 is about.
(Not Van, in case anybody was wondering.)

-Zan